Worst Mother EVER!

And the Worst Mother of the Year Award goes to...

ME!

Why? you ask. Well, let me tell you about our weekend. Everything started off nicely, as we were looking forward to a 3-day weekend and some good ol' R&R. Yeah..notsomuch.

On Saturday afternoon, Lily and I went to go visit my friend, Beth, who has been feeling less-then-stellar because of a really crappy case of hyperemisis gravidarum. I thought I'd go and cheer my darling friend, Beth, up. And boy did I ever. Upon arrival at her house, I hopped out of the car to greet my friend. When I turned around to get my sweet baby out of the backseat, I realized that all of the car doors were locked. With my baby inside. Digging in my purse frantically, my keys were nowhere to be found. As I began to panic, Beth's dear husband and her father, who were moving furniture, immediately came to our aid. Her clever husband put a sheet over the windows to keep Lily cool and went to work with a coat hanger to try and open the door. We ended up calling the Police (FYI - Waxhaw police=ridiculously slow) and an officer arrived eventually to slim-jim my car open. The entire time, Lily just sat in her carseat, looking at this spectacle of panicking adults who were cooing at her and begging her to stay calm (calm? The kid could've cared less) like we were total nutjobs. Thank God that the Police are trained to use those slim-jims. I was seriously considering busting out my passenger window with one of Beth's pretty slate rocks that line her front yard.

So, in the best interest of my own sanity, Lily and I spent the night at my mom's on Saturday so we could both sleep in (read: my mom got up with the baby). I figured after some hearty rest and some good grandma-spoiling, I'd be back on top of my Mommy-game. As it turns out, again notsomuch.

Sunday was relatively uneventful. Lily and I joined Amy and Brendon at the park for a leisurely stroll and then later for dinner (which Devin babysat while I went to Amy's -- again, in the interest of mommy-mental-health-time). Have I had enough rest for my brain to function properly yet? Nope!

So, Monday, Lily and I went to Veteran's Park for a NA function. I had her on my lap in a lawn chair on the side of a hill. Can you guess where this is going? Yes, we BOTH tipped over and both did a face plant in the dirt on the side of that hill. Lily didn't scream (maybe because of the grass in her mouth?), she just looked mildly confused. Her clothes were so covered in dirt that I had to change them on the spot.

Now, if that wasn't bad enough, I made yet another mommy-mistake while at the park. I figured since it was hot and sticky outside, I would make sure Lily got plenty to drink at the park. I mixed up an entire sippy cup of apple juice and water.

Note to self: Everything in moderation to a tender tummy.

Lily stayed grumpy the whole afternoon and I couldn't figure out why. At home, she ate and took a nap, but kept whining and squealing. I set her in the jumperoo while I talked on the phone with my mom about my day. When I got of the phone, I picked my darling baby up only to discover she was completely covered (and now so was I) in poo! Yeah, fun. It was so bad that no wipies could have cleaned her up. I dumped her in the sink and rinsed her off (which she loved). There was poo everywhere and it was really nasty. I guess I forgot that water and juice could inspire such a large amount of bowel disturbance. Next time, I'll limit her to a few sips at a time.

So, there you have it. A plethora of reasons to vote for me as Worst Mommy of the Year!

(note: I am also accepting campaign contributions, so please feel free to send cash)