The Ups and Downs

Life and Death are a cycle that I've come to know more and more as I grow older, which is something I absolutely hate. I do not want to know, on any level, the pain of loss at all. I wish it didn't exist. Two families that we know have had their lives changed forever, due to loss this year. One an infant girl, born with all the hope of a new life and the game changed rapidly, the other a ten year old girl who had a disease that took her life and her sweet spirit. Also, less important but still painful is the loss of our cat, Baby Kitty. I have to tell you, there are days when how much I love Lily and baby-to-come Colin is more than I can bear. I wish that people didn't have to feel loss like that, in any form.

Despite the bad news above, good news abounds as well -- I am currently pregnant at the same time as many of my friends, including my best friend Beth, Leslie, Rachel, Amy, Catherine, Karen and probably several more out there!

Last night, my mom and I took Lily to Billy-Graham's headquarters (yes, a random place for me to visit), but we were too late to get on the horse drawn carriage rides (which was the main reason I wanted to go), but we discovered their nativity scene, which Lily really liked as well. She kept asking why the people were real and saying that she wanted to go see "cheeses." Somewhere along the line, Lily got Jesus and Chuck*E* Cheeses mixed up, so I'm not quite sure who she was gunning for. All in all, it was a nice night, we got some good exercise, I got to see an interesting new side of Charlotte, a live camel, some horses trotting by, and spend some time with my mom.

I will say that sleeping has become a thing of the past, at this point. When it comes time to sleep, I have no problems drifting off, but for some reason, if I'm woken up at any point past that, I can't seem to fall back asleep. I am also easily awakened by any noise -- meaning every time Devin changes position, I wake up. Then, there's the middle-of-the-night peeing and finally, my sweet child who has bad dreams and/or just feels like visiting in the middle of the night for no apparent reason. Her favorite thing to do is to watch me sleep and then say "I didn't wake you up." Last night, between Devin and Lily and the urge to pee, I was hard pressed to relax at all, and then baby Colin joined in on the act -- I have no clue what kind of acrobatics were going on in there, but I'm thinking it was a mix of kung-fu and gymnastics. So, today, I'm barely lucid and possibly about to fall over at any second. Only seven and a half more weeks til I experience even more sleeplessness! Woohoo :)

We are looking forward to Christmas this year, although we'll miss Aunt Deanna, but can't wait to see her in February. Lily is very obsessed with presents at this point and seems to not really get the concept of "giving" which is going to make for an interesting Christmas morning. I'm hoping that wrapping the gifts this week will help her understand the concept better.

Happy Holidays!